


His Special secret

by malecsweety



Series: Special [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Complete, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-07-09 09:09:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19885153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malecsweety/pseuds/malecsweety
Summary: Magnus has been working on his project for two months now and secretly falling in love with Alexander a little bit more everyday. Everything is going so well. Until it's not.Or how Magnus' heart gets broken.





	His Special secret

**Author's Note:**

  * For [slothosauruss](https://archiveofourown.org/users/slothosauruss/gifts).



> Hi there, I'm finally back! This is the third and final part of the Secret trilogy, it can NOT be read individually. 
> 
> I would love to read what you guys think about it and I also appreciate kudos ;)

Magnus woke up to his alarm ringing. He was exhausted. Despite his best efforts, the tiredness had kept on accumulating itself day after day but he knew it wasn't out of the ordinary. Every big project took a toll on his body. It was worth it though. 

Today marked two months since the first day of the photoshoot and he had been sleeping less than 6 hours per night and working more than 12 hours a day. 

However, even if his physical health wasn't the best, mentally, he felt amazing. It wasn't like he wasn't stressed out from time to time or apprehensive but the excitement and happiness he was feeling overpowered the stress and exhaustion. 

There was no point in denying Catarina, Isabelle and Alexander didn't play a huge part in his giddiness. They had all been eating dinner pretty much every night together since the project started, making each night unforgettable.

In all honesty, this cute tradition may have been the highlight of Magnus' days but it didn't mean he wasn't enjoying working with Angel either. Matt was such a talented model, he was as professional as he was funny and friendly. 

Sometimes, Magnus caught glimpses of Alec and Angel's friendship and he found it absolutely entrancing. It was no secret the model really enjoyed Alec's company but what Magnus found the most fascinating was how much Angel trusted Alec, and not only to protect him against physical harm, no, Angel trusted Alec with everything, he confided in him and Magnus guessed the famous man was his true self only around Alec.

Magnus couldn't help but be curious about the lovely bodyguard and Matt's history, he often found himself wondering what had happened for them to be so close. Then again, he wasn't surprised to see how wholeheartedly trustworthy Angel found Alec - the latter was such an honest and pure soul, he was never going to be poisoned by the fashion industry's shenanigans and Angel knew it. Alec was most likely like a breathe of fresh air for the model as he was always surrounded by hypocritical and materialistic people. 

However, Angel and Magnus had gotten lucky this time around because most people working on the photoshoot weren't vultures and even if they weren't all as genuine as the Lightwoods, they were still good people. 

On that thought, the busy fashion designer got out of bed and started to get ready. Today, he decided on wearing a burgundy suit he himself had designed and tailored black shoes with four of his beautiful silver rings - he felt like dressing up and looking fabulous. As always, the self-proclaimed makeup artist matched the color of his outfit to his eyeshadow and lip gloss. When he was done, he looked in the mirror one last time to appreciate his masterpiece - _it was too early to be narcissistic, wasn't it?_ , wondered Magnus - before leaving his flat.

On his way to work, Magnus wasn't thinking about all the things he had to get done that day, nope, he was putting on his "No, I do not _like_ _like_ Alexander Lightwood" mask. Easier said then done. It was no surprise that the massive crush he had had on the bodyguard as soon as he first saw him quickly evolved into something stronger and quite frankly, uncontrollable. He was now so into the young man, he sometimes found himself spacing out because he was too busy staring at him - _and how **creepy** was that??_, Magnus desperately thought. 

He was afraid all of his coworkers were well aware of his pining by now because in all honesty, he was doing a bad job at concealing it. 

Him wanting for his emotions to stay hidden wasn't a way for him to play hard to get, he just didn't know if Alec was interested in him in that way and Magnus didn't want to risk their friendship trying to find out. Because Alexander was a wonderful friend and Magnus couldn't bare the thought of losing him. 

So that's why, despite being close to irremediably falling in love with the hazel-eyed beauty, Magnus kept his feelings for Alexander a secret. It was _his_ special secret…

 _Well_ … A secret Catarina and Isabelle were in on but Magnus trusted them with his life. Despite actually never telling Izzy how he felt, he knew she could read him like an open book.

Magnus forced himself to turn his working mode on as he entered the building. Not doing his job wholeheartedly was not an option for him - even with Alexander in the picture. 

Speaking of the handsome man, he was the first person Magnus laid eyes on as he stepped out of the elevator. As always, his heart skipped a beat - or several - and he let himself a few seconds to admire how effortlessly beautiful the tall bodyguard looked.  
Alec was busy talking to Matt, they were both laughing and looking absolutely ethereal doing so. Magnus couldn't help but think they would make the most beautiful couple ever known to man even though that thought physically hurt him. His depressing trail of thoughts got cut short as Matt's publicist's assistant noticed his staring.

"I don't care what anyone says, it sure looks like they're dating", snickered Raj.

Magnus tried to not scowl, he didn't like how bitter Raj's comment sounded. 

"One thing is sure, Alec is head over heels for the guy", he continued, scoffing.

Magnus' heart stopped. 

_It couldn't be true, could it?? Alec couldn't be in love with Angel, there was no way!_ , Magnus' internally panicked. _Had he been falling in love with a man whose heart was already taken?_ , as his brain overwhelmed him with hundreds of questions, it felt like his heart was shattering into thousands of pieces. _How stupid could he be though? Of course Alec had feelings for Matt, who wouldn't??, Matt was handsome, talented, funny and kind - the whole world had a crush on him!,_ Magnus realised. He felt like he was close to passing out. All he wanted to do was run back to his apartment, pack his suitcase and go back home.

Magnus stood frozen, unable to advert his gaze from where Alec and Angel stood. He didn't see Raj walking away. It was like he had entered a trance, no sound could reach him, though it seemed like he could hear his heart breaking. 

It was like Alec felt that someone was staring at him because he turned towards Magnus and their gaze connected. Alexander gave him a small smile but it soon faded and was replaced with a frown as he saw how pale Magnus was. As Alexander started to make his way to where he stood, probably to check if Magnus was okay like the amazing friend that he was, the fashion designer knew he had to get out of there before Alec reached him. He couldn't face him right now. 

He bit his bottom lip hard to stop himself from letting tears escape his eyes as he robotically made his way towards the elevator. He managed to get out of the building without anyone talking to him. 

He began to walk aimlessly, heart-shattering thoughts plaguing his mind. He hated himself for being so stupid, for falling in love with someone who was not only way out of his league but who was also such a great friend. Now he was never going to be able to act normally around Alexander, he had screwed up a wonderful friendship. 

Now more than ever, all he wanted to do was to go back home. He wanted to bury himself under his blankets and cry whilst stroking his beloved cat. He missed his Chairman so much. But also Raphael and Ragnor. He needed them to tell him how much of an imbecile he was. 

But he couldn't do that, he had a job to do. A job he had prematurely left. How professional of him, he chastised himself. 

Funny how he had woken up this morning feeling on top of the world and now he was left feeling empty. Funny also how it had taken for him to know his love for Alexander was totally unrequited to realise how strongly he had actually fallen for the hazel eyed beauty. Love makes you blind, that was for sure, nothing else could explain how he had not realised, after having spent 12 hours a day for two months straight with Matt and Alec, that those two were madly in love with each other. The idea had not even crossed his mind. How delusional could one be? 

Magnus jolted as he felt his phone ringing in his pocket. As he checked who was calling him, he saw that he had left his work place more than thirty minutes ago. Mentally beating himself up even more for acting like a stereotypical heartbroken lovesick puppy, he answered Catarina.

"Hello", Magnus replied, his voice hoarse as if he had been crying. 

"Magnus? Is everything okay?", his friend asked him, sounding worried, "Alec just told me he has been searching for you for half an hour. His phone is dead so he has not been able to call you".

Magnus could not help but cringe as he heard Catarina said his friend's name. He cleared his throat and tried to reassure her. 

"Yeah, I'm good, Cat, don't worry… I'm on my way back, see you in 10 minutes". He hung up before she could say anything else, knowing he couldn't keep his 'I have not just had my heart broken' act for another second.

Not knowing where he was, he used Google maps to go back to the place of the photoshoot. Following the directions helped him think of something else and right then, he decided he would have to fake being okay for the rest of the month. He could not let his personal life affect his professional life, especially because people's incomes depended on his work. 

—

For the rest of the week, he successfully managed to avoid Alec. Magnus knew Catarina and Izzy were worried about him but they didn't pry and he was grateful they didn't. He still wasn't ready to talk about it out loud. All he wanted to do is focus on work and forget about his personal life. He was thankful this last month was bond to be hectic because that made his change of behaviour seem less weird. He still managed to fake a smile and work efficiently but he could not pretend to feel indifferent about the whole situation. He also felt bad for neglecting his friendship with Alexander - his unrequited love for the bodyguard had managed to screw everything up and he could not help but hate himself for it. All of this kept him up at night and the bags under his eyes didn't help hide his sadness from his coworkers.

He was currently the last one working, all of the crew having gone home a couple of hours ago. Magnus checked the time and realised it was past midnight - it didn't surprise him that much, these days, it was easier for him to work when everyone was gone because then, he wasn't so worried about running into Alec. 

When he caught himself barely being able to keep his eyes open, he knew he had no choice but go back to his temporary apartment and try to get some sleep. The tired fashion designer tidied his desk and slowly headed out of the building. He couldn't help but scold himself for feeling so down when his project was going so well. There were three weeks left and everything was going so smoothly, it was actually unusual. Normally, several problems were encountered for each project - and Magnus didn't want to jinx it - but for this one, the rare issues they've encountered were easily solved. The team actually often joked around saying Matt's stage name was Angel simply because he was a real guardian angel and he had been protecting them against any complications. Magnus just wished that protection had extended to his own heart.

For the fourth night in a row, he decided to walk back to his flat. It was quite a long walk - thirty minutes if he hurried - and he was thankful for it because it managed to extract the potential last ounce of energy he could have left. These days, he did everything he could so that when he arrived in the apartment he was so exhausted he could not even think straight. Because a dead brain was a brain that wasn't thinking about Alexander. Every night, he stumbled through the door as if he were drunk, took of his makeup, got undressed and collapsed on his bed. It was just metabolically logical that his body couldn't stay awake after a twenty-hour-long day.

So he started his journey back to his apartment complex. He had learned a few nights ago that music was, unfortunately, no help. Focusing on the lyrics of any song made him think, one way or another, of Alec. It was pathetic, really. Therefore, he wandered through the Parisian streets without his headphones, wishing he was back in Brooklyn because for a capital city, Paris was actually quite calm nearing midnight. Magnus just yearned for some raucous noise, anything loud enough to silence his thoughts. Deep down, however, he knew no shouts from drunk people, no car honks, could bring him a few seconds of peace. 

His thoughts were interrupted when he felt a hand on his right shoulder. He quickly turned to face whoever was trying to catch his attention, his heart beating erratically from being caught so off-guard. He made eye contact with beautiful hazel eyes looking at him with nothing but concern in them. It took Magnus a few seconds to register he was not dreaming and the man he had actively been trying to avoid was really standing in front of him. It took him even more time to realise Alexander was trying to talk to him.

"… Magnus? Hey, Magnus? Are you okay? Can you hear me? Please, answer me, you're worrying me", Alec was saying, talking fast, his eyes frantically trying to catch his friend's gaze, conveying how distressed he was becoming because of Magnus' unresponsiveness. 

Magnus mentally slapped himself to wake up from his trance, "Oh! Hey Alec, sorry I was in my own world, haha…", Magnus answered, trying in vain to chuckle to reassure the panicked man. The fashion designer couldn't help but notice Alexander's face turn into a momentary frown when he called him Alec but also when the latter saw him fidgeting. Magnus chastised himself for being so incapable of hiding his emotions, especially because he was usually good at faking his wellbeing. 

The bodyguard's frown deepened and he put his right hand back on Magnus' shoulder. Oh, how Magnus wished Alexander hadn't done that… he didn't need to feel the warmth emanating from the man's hand, it felt grounding, it calmed him, made him think everything was going to be okay. It reminded Magnus why he had fallen in love with this man, as if he needed the reminder, this man who cared unconditionally about his loved ones, who was endlessly generous but also annoyingly and irremediably selfless. These past few months, Magnus had discovered how comfortable he felt around Alec, no one had ever made him feel this safe, not even Catarina. And Magnus' heart broke a little bit more when he realised nothing had changed, even when his brain knew Alec loved someone else, the rest of his body was betraying him, seeking the younger man's presence. N

So, after momentarily and unconsciously leaning into Alexander's hand, Magnus snapped once again out of his thoughts and hastily and unnaturally took a step back, putting even more distance between Alec and himself. 

"… Magnus…? ", Alexander said his name as if it was a question, not trying to hide how Magnus' behaviour was hurting him. Seeing Alec that way, his eyes lacking their usual shine, his mouth turned into a frown, his shoulders even more hunched than normal, Magnus decided enough was enough, he couldn't, he wouldn't, let his hurt impact his friend's happiness. 

"I'm sorry, haha, I'm just tired, how have you been, it's been a while!", exclaimed Magnus, still not sounding like himself but there was a slight improvement. His technique was to, on one hand, redirect the conversation back to Alec and on the other hand, to openly acknowledge they hadn't seen each other for quite some time so that, hopefully, Alec wouldn't even think Magnus had been avoiding him. 

"What's wrong, Magnus? There's no need to overwork yourself that much, the project is going so well, you're doing a wonderful job", practically whispered the young bodyguard, his tone translating his incomprehension. 

_Okay so there goes my technique…_ , thought Magnus, internally and self-deprecatingly chuckling. Alexander was just way too overprotective and stubbornly caring for his strategy to work.  
Magnus locked his eyes with Alec's, losing himself into a hazel heaven, his heartbeat gradually slowing down, now feeling strangely calm. It was then that he decided he had to come clean, he had to confide in Alexander. He had to tell him his secret not just to free himself of the weight compressing his heart, but because Magnus knew Alec would never do anything to hurt him, the man standing in front of him at 1am in the middle of Paris would not use Magnus' infatuation with him to turn him into a puppet. Alexander Lightwood was not Camille Belcourt. 

No. Now that he was thinking about it, Magnus could picture how Alec was going to react to his love declaration. There was a high probability Alec would be flabbergasted to know Magnus liked him that way - the bodyguard could sense a threat from miles away but he was irrevocably clueless when it came to his own attractiveness (Magnus lost count of the number of times he witnessed the handsome man being completely oblivious to men and women flirting with him). 

But one thing was sure, Alexander was never going to make fun of him nor take advantage of him but most importantly, he was not going to let it affect their friendship. All Magnus had to do is tell Alec the truth, well part of it at least, there was no point in confessing his love to the dark-haired man. So the plan was to divulge he had been acting weird for the past week solely because he had a tiny crush on him and he didn't want him to feel uncomfortable because of it, especially since he was dating Matt. There. That was simple enough. 

However, before Magnus gathered the courage to speak those bittersweet words out loud, Alec, probably freaked out by the minute-long silence and the unusual distance between their body, started talking inhumanly fast.

"It's not really about work, is it? I've been feeling like something was wrong for the last few days. Like you were ignoring me…? But then, at the same time, I thought I was being my usual overthinking self. But then, Izzy and Catarina have also been looking at me when they thought I couldn't see them and asking weird questions about you and I? And just thinking that I've done _something_ to upset you is making me hate myself! But no matter how much I try, I can't remember what I did to offend you. Whatever I did, I'm so sorry, I… I would never intentionally hurt you, I… I care a lot about you, you're such an amazing person, you're kind, generous, caring and you make me feel so good about myself, it's crazy but… I don't think I can live without you so please tell me what I can do to make this right, whatev-"

Magnus, who had been speechless until then, interrupted him, gently placing his ringed hand on Alec's chest.

"You've done nothing wrong, Alexander. I'm sorry I've made you worry", Magnus said softly, relieved to see some tension instantly leaving Alec's shoulders when hearing his full name come out of the fashion designer's mouth. 

Magnus reluctantly retracted his hand from the young bodyguard's pec and he started fidgeting with his silver earring.

"But you are not wrong, I have not been myself these last few days. It's quite silly, really… I didn't want to lose your friendship because I, too, care a lot about you. I tried to convince myself avoiding you for a few days would solve this… predicament. Or at least, time would help me master my poker face…", Magnus continued, his eyes shyly looking at the ground, unable to meet Alec's soft brown eyes.

"Predicament? Poker face? Magnus, what are you talking about?", Alec asked, utterly confused.

"I like you. More than a friend", Magnus confessed, finally making eye contact with Alexander. 

Strangely enough, instead of beating erratically, Magnus' heart slowed down. This declaration was liberating. When he had told Camille he loved her, he had felt like he was drowning, worry and fear of rejection making it hard to breathe. It was like he knew deep down he was making a terrible mistake, trusting her with his heart.  
But there he was, in the city of Love, telling a man who already had a boyfriend he liked him and feeling unexplainably safe.

Understandably so, Alec was speechless. His eyes wide open, blinking fast as if to wake himself up, his mouth forming an 'o'. But then, he did something that took Magnus breath away. He smiled, so big that his perfect white teeth and his adorable dimples were showing, his eyes were shining with… _happiness?_

"You… like me?", Alec asked, sounding completely bewildered, the smile never leaving his face.

Magnus couldn't help but chuckle softly, the gorgeous bodyguard was way too innocently adorable for his own good.

"Yes, I do", he confirmed, admiring how beautiful Alexander looked, unapologetically showing his giddiness.

The fashion designer forced himself to advert his gaze. It was time for him to explain to Alec that, yes, he knew the latter was in a relationship with Matt, that, no, he would never do anything to jeopardize that and they both could act like this never happened. 

Magnus opened his mouth to start his reassuring speech but Alec's eyes prevented him from uttering a word, _excuse me but why was Alexander glancing at his lips ??_ Magnus hadn't eaten all day so there was no way there was any condiment on them, thank you very much.

Before Magnus could make sense of what was happening, Alec took a careful step towards him and gently put his hand on his cheek, successfully short-circuiting the speechless fashion designer's brain. 

"Can I… Can I kiss you?", Alec softly whispered. 

… Magnus had to internally scream _No, non, nein! He has a boyfriend!_ to stop himself from swooning over how much of a gentleman Alexander was. But at the same time, if there was one thing he was sure of, it was that Alec was not a cheater, he had the purest soul. _So did that mean Matt and him broke up earlier this week? Or were they in an open relationship?? What the hell was happening???_ Magnus was positively and uncharacteristically losing his mind. And frankly, Alec being so close to him and his warm hand against his cheek was not helping him think clearly. 

"Are you and Matt in an open relationship?", Magnus blurted, _see!? Not thinking clearly!_ If Ragnor was there, he would have slapped the back of his head.

"Sorry? What!?". Alec, rightfully shocked, took a wobbly step back, his hand unceremoniously dropping to his side.

Magnus was known for being eloquent, coy, a master of words, _not_ for being clumsy for Pete's sake!

"Matt? As in my boss Matt? What does he have to do with anything?", Alec asked, lost beyond words.

"Aren't you two… dating?", Magnus hesitantly asked, scared of the answer as if he didn't already know it.

"What?! No! Of course not! It'd be like dating my brother Jace, ew!", Alec scowled, his face showing his disgust.

Once again, Magnus' brain stopped working.

"I like you too, Magnus… To be honest, I have had a crush on you since the moment Izzy introduced us and since then, I have just fallen for you a little bit more every day", Alec softly confessed, looking straight into Magnus' chocolate brown eyes as if he was making sure the handsome man understood each word he was saying.

"Oh…", that was all Magnus could say, rendered, once again, speechless. Magnus took a tentative step forward, placing his hand on the cheek of the man he had fallen in love with and gently stroking it with his thumb. 

Now more than ever it felt like Alexander and him were the only people in this Parisian street. No words could describe how he felt at that moment, 'happiness' seemed way too common. So, Magnus decided he had talked enough and it was time for him to listen to what his heart was telling him.

Magnus hesitantly leaned his face towards Alexander's. The kind bodyguard then put his warm hands on Magnus' hips, gently bringing him impossibly closer to his chest. This was enough to reassure Magnus that Alexander wanted this as much as he did. The pretty fashion designer delicately placed his lips on his lover's. The kiss only lasted a few seconds, just an innocent press of lips but it made Magnus feel inexplicably safe and happy, a warmth emanating in his stomach. It took him a couple of seconds to open his eyes and he was greeted by a breathtaking sight - Alexander's beautiful hazel eyes were shining, he was looking at him with a soft and genuine smile adoring his face. 

Magnus did not know what was going to happen next. He did not know how many weeks, or months, he was going to wait until telling this gorgeous man he was deeply in love with him. One thing was sure, Magnus was no longer scared to confess his _special secret_ to Alexander, he knew his heart was safe now.


End file.
